The maid of honor just puked.
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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