I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
