told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Randomize
