I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
