I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize