You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
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There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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