Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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