I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
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