just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
