Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
