Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
