eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
