so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I am puke
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
