he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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