Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
