OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I would fuck him just for his dog
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
