"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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