Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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