Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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