Umm I'm too high to move.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize