I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
