Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
