from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
