my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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