pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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