I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
