I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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