question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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