mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
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