You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
