I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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