it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
