Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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