my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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