You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I got chris browned last night
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
he shaved USA in his pubs
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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