Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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