p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
