whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Randomize
