the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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