We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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