i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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