she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
