She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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