Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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