last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
