yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
