I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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