I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Randomize
