I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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