my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
