hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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