Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
