I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
