It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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