Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
