Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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