what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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