Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
