i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Randomize
