Me too!
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
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Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
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Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
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