Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
