So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
