Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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