We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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