One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
