She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
