I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
