All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
