I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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