so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
