My hand turned me down
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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