well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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