the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
