Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
