Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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