some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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