I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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