so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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