I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
